Friends...

I know some of the people who read this blog will roll their eyes at this post... i always seem to be a pessimist. well... that's me. I can't help it... optomisim leads to dissappointment.

So... i feel as though i am on the verge of losing 3 more friends. The silent treatment has started (they are ignoring me) for about a week now.

No phone calls/returns, no emails/replies, no IMs/responses...

I know they have logged on, so at least they are getting my emails... but either they are reading and not responding, or ignoring them all together. So I took a moment earlier today to reflect on my friends and the depth that the friendships go.

i have, outside of family, about 6 people who i consider true friends. People who, if i had to, would walk through the fire to help out. I am not going to name them, but they know who they are.

Outside of that inner circle, I have roughly 20ish re-occuring positive acquaintances, they are friends... but if my life depended on them... i might as well just let go of the ledge and make as nice of a swan dive as possible before splatting.

Then I just have acquaintances. People who i am friendly towards, and are friendly towards me, but that's kinda where it ends. That MOSTLY consists of the rest of the world.

Ofcourse... i have enemies too... but they are not the subject of this entry.

of my inner sanctum of friends... 4 come to me for help on a semi-regular basis, requesting money, advice, support, battle plans, or brownies! 2 of them, have never asked for my help with anything (and i am not talking about small favors, i am talking about some sort of real help)

3 of those inner sanctum friends i know would literally beat someone down if i was in any sort of danger. 2, i know would want to, but probably would stay out of it. One, i know would put a horrible curse on the other person that would make him/her wish they didn't threaten me.

If I was struggling for money (which thank the gods I am not) 5 would want to help me, but do not have the means... 1 has the means, and would say he would help, but in the end, wouldn't.

If I need a shoulder to cry on, 5 would lend an attentive ear and a box of kleenex, 3 of them would end up making it about themselves. 1 of them, probably would end up being too busy and un-interested, (he too would probably end up making my issues all about him and want sympathy instead of giving it)

If i need advice, i can go to all but 1 of them for different areas of expertese. Computer, money, relationships, etc... one of them, would be eager to give advice, but in all honesty, i wouldn't want it or do what he advised.

3 of my friends will always make me laugh, all six will make me smile, 3 always make me feel better about myself, 3 always tells me like it is (good and bad) 3 just try and sugar coat everything.

4 of my closest friends are always in some sort of trouble, be it relationship, financial, and yes... even legal... the other 2 are much more stable.

I have slept with 4 of them in the same bed (not sexually) 2 i really wanted sex with, but never pressed it... 1 i had "played" with...

I have been to 4 of the 5's places of residence... 1 i never got to, and 1, i was never invited.

I have secrets about 4 of them that could get them in trouble with the law, 1 stretches the bounds of decency with that secret... *shudder* 5 of them are going to wonder if i know their secret and what the other ones are. they will all be dissappointed when i don't give it up.

Only 2 have given me a bday present ever... i have given presents to 4 of them. the other 3 insisted on not taking them and told me specifically and intently, not to buy them.

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of my 20-some frequent, positive acquaintances

15 have asked for some sort of financial help from me, 16 of them have recieved it (one needed, but didn't ask)

6 of them flew in and out of my graces more than 2 times. consecutively pissing me off, then making up for it.

one of them will listen to any problems or concerns i have honestly... the others don't care one way or another.

all 20 of them make me smile, about 5 make me laugh semi-frequently

All have visited me... i have only visited like 6 of them...


I am getting too tired to type... i will finish this up tomorrow before i fall asleep.