up to now

if you notice the time of this post... you will see it's before 7am. Why would I be up this early? Because i am trying to change my sleep schedule. I mean... I work from home, can set my own hours... so why the hell would i try and get up early? No reason.

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I am concerned for one of my friends... my inner circle... She has been on a downward social spiral for years... constantly secluding herself from the world. She is taking solace in her cat, which is nice, but not at the expense of her friendships.

I had to take my laptop back to the store that i just recently bought to get the network card replaced. The store is half way between my place and hers. I gave her a call to tell her i was kinda in the area, and wanted to stop by to say hi. (even though it was out of my way)

She told me she wasn't fit for human consumption.

...

Since when do you have to be fit for human consumption for a friend? I am really concerned for her. She has a strong will when it comes to everyone she meets, with the exception of her mother. She does everything her mother says. She has no will to say anything against her mother, with whom she lives with. The problem is, she is starting to alienate most of her friends.

I am starting to evaluate my friendship with her. No... she is not someone I will drop as we have too much history. But... i have tried multiple attempts to help her out of this funk and I am now at a loss... I have no idea where to go from here. It upsets me to see her down, and she cries out for help... but shoots down every suggestion made with skewed logic... It only make sense to her, and I get tired of trying to reason with her when it comes to this.

I thought my mother was bad with her signature guilt trips. *shrug*

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The stories of my one... former inner circle friend just keep getting more extreme. He stopped answering my calls, and only answers one of 5 emails that i send him. He mentioned before that his mother was dead... which i found out was a lie.

Now he mentions he has cancer. *shrug* what do you do with someone like that... The only thing i can think of is to cut my losses and tell him good bye. *sad*

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This week i was stood up twice. Once for a dinner date and once for a lunch date. It makes me feel worse about myself. *sigh*

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When someone reaches out to me for help, i tend to help them... I always try to do everything i can to help people to make sure that they get what they need, usually put my neck out on the line. Lately i have been trying to help someone to help someone who reached out to me, and now he seems to be apathetic.

It's really souring my attitude towards helping people.

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The fitness thing is not doing well... I am keeping with the good eating habits... but the working out thing is doing bad. My issue is that I don't want to work out (at least in the beginning) while other people are there. It's a little neurotic, but its how i feel. I don't want people to look at me working out, and they probably aren't, but i think it's just a mental trick my mind is playing on me to stop myself from putting myself through the temporary pain.

Just another example of SIPT. Someone slap me.