Birthday...

So... honestly... i had a mostly pleasant, uneventful birthday. My family all called and wished me a happy birthday! I got an email from my cousin, it was nice...

I had invited some friends over to just hang out for a while today. I did this last week in various intervals etc...

This morning I woke up and put on a big pot of gravy. Made a carrot cake (my favorite) and decided that despite my normal birthday blues... I wouldn't let it get me down...

out of 10 - 15 people i invited, 2 showed up... now... one of them told me that he would try to get here but he had to work... to all of the others... they just didn't bother to show up...

I called one of my friends and just asked "hey... how's it going?" he's like... oh... we have just been hanging around home... doin nothing all day. I mentioned to him I thought he was coming over today (this was at like 7pm) He said... well... I thought we would just stick around here today... I said... but it's my birthday...

He said... "oh shit, this makes me look stupid" I said "don't worry about it... hardly anyone i invited showed up..."

If i was a stronger person, when I hung up the phone... I would have just gone on packing... instead i just sat down and cried... I know my friends are busy... but they spend weeks trying to get the date of my birthday... and when the date comes around... i don't get a phone call... why are they asking for my birthday then?!?!?!?!? When i say don't worry about it... they should just do that... not worry about it.

I cried because i try and put a lot of effort into the frienship of people... I go out of my way to help them in times of crisis and such... I guess all at once... I felt like just a crutch for people... there when they need it... but when they don't need it... they just keep it in the back of a closet somewhere... till the next time they need it...

I actually thought the cry was theraputic... but in the same sense... it never should have happened on my birthday... I just feel like a fool...

I THOUGHT of calling people to remind them... But... then that puts all of the responsibility on me... they all said they would be happy to come... but they didn't even call... apparently I am not even a blip on their radar... I guess i should just expect less or nothing from people... it sucks... but it's true...

So... this birthday... again... was confirmation why... i just don't like my birthday... not because i didn't want to be born... but it's just another day, and in the grande scheme of things... is usually a bad one...

My friend Mel was like... perhaps its time to get new friends... *sigh*... i just don't know what to do... I love all my friends dearly... I am just wondering... do they feel the same about me?

*blows out the candles*