Nobodies...

So... i was going to make this journal entry all about dragoncon... I will get to that in a bit, but i wanted to take a step in further self analysis...

I am a big fan of video games, especially ones with stories.

To date, my favorite game series is Square Enix' Kingdom Hearts. Its a series of stories about a boy Sora who meets up with Disney characters and defends the world verses the Heartless. Well... ofcourse it's more complicated than that... but it's a good story.

In Kingdom Hearts 2, the main bad guys, instead of being the heartless, are Nobodies. These people, according to the game, are the bodies of people who lose their heart to the heartless. (look up kingdom hearts 2 on wikipedia for further info)

They are the bad guys, but i am very sympathetic to their plight. Even though they clearly go about things the wrong way, all they are looking to do, is exist. Even though people can see them, feel them, touch them, be hurt by them, etc.. they do not exist. Essentially, they do everything they can to make themselves real.

I empathize with them, because, i consider myself walking along the same path. I do everything i can, to make people like me, to exist in the world where people actually regard me as a real person. Rather than cause a genocide of heart stealing with fun disney villains, i do it by extending myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and too often financially, to make people realize that i exist. Quite often, no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, what feats i pull, to some, i still don't exist.

I put this in my dragoncon post, because, well, this weekend, I was treated like a no-body by people who should have treated me differently. People for whom, i was responsible for taking to dragoncon, (because they couldn't afford tickets themselves) treated me like a nobody. Regarded me when i was helping them, but once i was out of sight, i was also out of mind.

It got to the point, where i was being so dis-regarded for my feelings, that I was asked to sleep on the floor. Well... in all honesty, i wasn't asked... it was suggested that someone take my sleeping space and to find another. These people that suggested it, didn't put up any money, nor regard my feelings. I was treated like a nobody and it hurt.

When i didn't give up my spot... as I paid for half of the room, i felt i deserved a space on a bed, and NOT on the floor, nor did i feel it right to displace someone else... apparently, there was a lot of crying, how unfair it was that someone had to sleep on the floor, because, well... i was in the bed... Now granted... the bed wasn't that big... but it wasn't like i was sleeping in the middle of it... they could have just as easily both climbed into bed as i went all the way to the edge. I just didn't feel right about sleeping on the floor, to serve the whim of people, that I helped get there, have bought presents for, and was not asked to attend any events they attended.

In the end, the bed incident, which i thought would be minor, ended up being bigger than i thought to some. One person, decided not to go to sleep at all out of stubbornness, and the other person, who just was in to crash, took her spot on the bed, and i stayed on my designated sleeping spot. I woke up feeling awkward, kinda ashamed at the strife i apparently caused, but... i knew that i was in the right, and damnit... no-one went through any special trouble to make sure i was having a good time, so why should i give up my sleeping spot that i paid for...

My lesson learned, for that little event, is if i am going to be treated like a no-body, perhaps i should act like a nobody to those people and not try so hard to be a somebody. Afterall, no-bodies don't really have feelings. They don't exist...

That all being said, and un-necessary drama thrown aside. I had a very pleasant weekend. I got to hang out with my friends, spoke to some celebrities,looked at some truely awesome and lame costumes, laughed a lot, and helped throw a party in which 850 people showed up. (yes... 8 5 0...!) I didn't do everything i planned or wanted to do, but hey... it's dragoncon. I go to hang out with my fellow freaks and geeks! which is what it's all about! Also, i did all of this and only took 1 lorazepam the whole weekend...! (i NORMALLY take 4 - 10 depending on how i am feeling throughout the course of the convention)

Next time though, assuming there will be a next dragoncon... i will NOT make the same mistakes. Of that, I am certain!