AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

I am frustrated... Very frustrated at a couple things at the moment...

I am sorry... I have to vent...

1. FOR THE LOVE OF THE FUCKING GODS!!! I AM NOT STRAIGHT... i wish my co-workers would stop trying to make me look at girls, talk about sexy girls, going to clubs where i can get "hot chicks, babes, or a piece of tail"

I am starting to think, i don't care if i tell them I am gay to make them uncomfortable... "I" am extremely uncomfortable during these conversations... I don't say anything... Do you think they would get the hint? no... they just keep fuckin talking... RRRAAAARRRRR!

2. The Ayer's Suites SUCKS... their free internet keeps messing with my computer... one moment i have an excellent signal, the next moment I am disconnected... WTF? I am writing this from the lobby, because the internet, wired or wireless does NOT work from my room...

jeff + no internet = PISSED OFF JEFF

3. A couple of my good friends, both current and from the past, have just kinda dropped off the face of the earth. I know they are around, because they are picking up my messages, but for some reason, are choosing not to acknowledge and return them... All I have to say, is that it's getting tiring trying to chase down people when I am running across country working. I do what I can to keep my friendships going.. People have dropped out of my life in the past, with no word as to what happened, just nothing.

I am the type of person who thives on communication, I know it gets annoying for people, but it's how I work. I like to know where I stand, and what's going on... If I did something wrong, I'd like to know about it...

One of my friends, who I seem to make plans with (at least try) on a regular basis, seems to stand me up. Standing me up does not mean that he cannot make it... It means the day before, day of, and a couple days after, I hear nothing. My phone calls go unanswered, my text messages go un returned, emails, chat... nothing... I will hear from him like 2 - 3 weeks later, and when i bring it up that I thought something went wrong or that he was avoiding me, he assures me that it wasn't me and that something else came up...

I understand that things come up... but please give me the courtesy of a phone call, a note, txt message, etc... I think I am a pretty understanding guy... I never get mad at people for cancelling on me if they let me know... but this routine, is getting a little old and very frustrating... It's happened on 4 recallable instances. Maybe once or twice that I cannot remember...

He knows I love him, despite this... but, as i said, it's getting old, and I am just kinda running out of energy. He's not the only one that that pulls this routine... I seem to get it from most of my friends... not all... but most...

I guess I am getting old enough to start expecting a little more. My Birthday incident, getting stood up for dates, all of it... I am pretty soon just going to shut down and become a hermit.

Or maybe i shouldn't expect more... maybe I am being treated exactly how i deserve to be treated... it's always happening to me afterall.. i don't think it happens to anyone else on the same frequency of occurances.

I am trying to stay away from the whole self pity thing... but i have to say, this kinda makes me feel downright insignificant.

I am done writing for the night... i am too tired to care for the moment.

later