so... i was reading this book...

OMG... what a messed up in the head teenager i was... for the love of everything holy and unholy... i was reading the rest of my journal...

1. I am suprised I am still alive based on the stuff i was writing back then... WTF was i thinking?

2. i don't remember writing these passages down.. but i do believe it was based on more of "what i was feeling" rather than what I was thinking or what actually happened... I asked some guy in australia to marry me? after 3 weeks of talking online? and he said YES!? it even wrote down his name... anyone who would have read this would have instantly said "this kid didn't make it to 20"

3. i think it does enlighten me as to why i am soooo messed up now a days when it comes to relationships... all of my development has been online... and I can remember the strong feelings I had... the feelings were all real...

4. I wrote about my first sexual encounter... OMG... how i romanticized that trailer trash guy... Loser from no-where... it's pretty graphic... definately rated R... but damn... i was really messed up in the head when i wrote it... i guess a first sexual encounter will do that to you...

5. I think i am WAY too emotional... even now... i get so emotionally invested... it's just not healthy... for me or anyone else!!!!!

i was thinking i should record those memories... but... now i am thinking... perhaps it's better that those "memories" (which i have obviously forgotten about) get washed away with the flood!

btw... my first real sexual counter... June 22 1997. (2 days after my mom's bday and 1 day after my parent's anniversary...)