a venting conversation

Here is a conversation i had with my friend JS... i was venting at the loss of a potential love interest... who seems to have lost interest... simply because... i am not around at all...

but don't worry right? there are more fish in the sea... i am only 34 and only have ever had 1 relationship which lasted 9 months... but hey... i'm doing better then let's say... i don't know... a still born baby...

Before you read this convo... i want to make it clear... i really do love my family... REALLY! I just get EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED at my situation sometimes!!!!!!!!!!


me: remind me to make sure my next move... is at least a 5 hour drive from Philly
JS: why?
me: i am really... kinda sick of going there every weekend
JS: Your leaving for Philly tonight?
me: no... tomorrow night A-FUCKIN-GAIN
JS: well if it's five hour drive you will just end up flying there so what's the difference?
me: if i have to fly... i won't be EXPECTED to be there all the time for EVERY LITTLE THING
JS: O you can always decline you do have a lot on your plate
me: yeah... and then get the guilt trip
JS: yeah I remember
me: "well... how can you NOT be there for your brother's 30th birthday"
O: noone was around for mine
mom: you were down in atlanta
JS: Especially when he saved you 10k on your taxes
me: O: no-one made the effort
mom: i sent you a singing gorilla... isn't that enough?
O: i guess it was...
...
it's not that i don't want to be there for my brother's birthday
but ya know... for 3 weeks... i have been talking to this guy online i think i could hit a spark with
he's been wanting to meet me but he has problems during the week
now he stopped talking to me
JS: ugggg
me: because i am never around on the weekends to meet him 3 weeks in a row and i am tied up this weekend and the NEXT 2
how FUCKING frustrating to have to choose between my family and MYSELF
and then... when i finally get 1 weekend to myself mom is making plans to come up here for the weekend
JS: OHHHH
me: so make that 8 weekends in a row i will be unavailable
and she wonders why i keep thinkin about moving down to atlanta at least there... i had a life
here... my family is the only life i am allowed to have
i KNOW i am exagerating but FFS!
JS: not really
It's just like the old days
when you were in school and everything
and being on intercome when you lived downstairs
me: right
it's not enough that i talk to her EVERY day...
and like... next weekend it's my cousin's daughter's christening
oh... i HAVE to go to that too
JS: well that I would overlook
me: oh no... i was already told i am going
...
so i was going to say i am not coming home for memorial day
and i already know all of the arguments
mom never dissappoints
i love her to death... but CUT THE CORD!!!!!!
JS: you knew a long time ago that will never happen
But I am glad you are venting about it
me: mom thought that one of the reasons i moved up here was to be close to the family
that was an assumption i didn't bother to correct her on
but that was not one of my real deciding factors
JS: well of course not you needed a job
me: right
but i could have found one down there if i needed to
JS: does she read your blog?
me: nah
she's not interested
JS: have you found yourself a doctor there yet?
me: no... i need new insurance before i look for a doctor
JS: is the insurance you have transported from atlanta?
me: no
cobra ran out a while ago
JS: what if Obama's Health bill had passed would that have assisted you?
me: it did pass...
ofcourse not without a public option
but yes... ofcourse... it would have helped everyone
Sent at 6:15 PM on Thursday
JS: Well it's one of the reasons I choose to stay in Maine
I don;t pay a DIME
for health
since my status has become so good I lost all the other benifits
but
You know ya gotta deal with your mom how you deal with her
I mean your 29 years old now you have to learn to say no
:)
me: ... 34 dear... i don't play the 29 forever game =P
JS: LOL
hey i tried
me: i appreciate it
and trust me...
i had it out with her a couple times
trying to use reason and logic
JS: You did?
me: ofcourse
JS: oh
I did not think you ever 'had it out' with your mother
I thought you always just bit your tounge
me: i told her how rediculous this was
Sent at 6:20 PM on Thursday
me: i didn't do it in anger... i did it like a lawyer
Sent at 6:22 PM on Thursday
JS: but she didnt budge?
Sent at 6:23 PM on Thursday
me: oh... she completely saw my point
but she said "get over it"
JS: OHHH
Yikes
Sent at 6:28 PM on Thursday
me: she said.. "what do you want me to say... you want me to be upset that i GET to see you every weekend???"
JS: O man
that's a tough one man I am so sorry
me: right
JS: It's the Italian though you know that?
me: yes
JS: I have two friends up here that are part of a big Italian Family and they are the same way....and it's always the mother
me: yup
Sent at 6:32 PM on Thursday
JS: are they all still sick?
me: no
they are better
even ground zero is better
JS: Is there any reason this person you want to spend some tome with couldn't join you?
Maybe get a hotel room
me: yeah... he moved on
that's a pretty good reason if you ask me
JS: yeah
Sent at 6:35 PM on Thursday