I just woke up, though I never really went to sleep... I have ben laying in my bed for roughly an hour now, going through the scene last night in my head over and over...
Everytime i get to certain details of things that were said... i can't help but unleash 2 or 3 sobs as to what could have happened, and that a friend of mine felt that way... The sobs feel fake... while my eyes water up during them, no full tears are produced... But despite the feelings that they are fake, they are uncontrollable...
My whole body is shaking... like fresh off of a full blown panic attack. I can feel hunger in the pit of my stomach... but i can't eat anything... my body is exhausted and my mind won't stop running scenarios... Was everything that we did last night the right answer...
For reasons I won't go into... callig 911 has the potential to be a lot more troublesome than anyone can imagine... but I feel as though, if we didn't i might be short one friend... though... i might be short one friend anyway, if not forgiven for how the situation was handled...
All last night i kept thinking... try to keep a cool head... as i feel this morning... i don't know how i came up with the strength last night to hold it together, because since i started typing this entry... i had to stop roughly 15 times to sob... 16...
Ugh... I feel aweful... I wish I could help him out... give him what he needs to go on and take on his burden(s)... but I have my own burdens to bare...
17...
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1 comment:
Give it time. It's hard to watch someone you love suffer, I know, but you've gotten him what help you can. Give it time. He'll recover.
Focus on helping yourself for now.
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