The lowest of the low

I am sitting here, on my bed, exhausted, eyes full of tears... so nervous I am shaking...

about 3 hours ago i got a frantic phone call from a good friend of mine shouting something incomprehensible... I tried to ask for clarification, but he hung up... I thought it was a practical joke...

I got the call again about 20 seconds later... the still screaming in my ear... but the words "XXXXX is trying to kill himself" rang... and despite being moderately annoyed, one doesn't get that call all the time... So i got out of bed, got dressed, and went over there. I called one other person to be sure of the address and arrived.

When i got there... there was a struggle on the floor... my one friend intent on hurting himself, with my other friend sitting on him and pinning him down... The oe on the ground was crying and wanted to be let up... He was extremely upset... i immediately grabbed and hugged him and i could feel him wanting to break away.

We struggled, he wanted to get into the kitchen for some sharp utensils, he already tried it once tonight... I kept trying to reason with him... but he was utterly defeated... tired, broken, and just wanted to end it all... I held him in my arms on the floor... telling him how much i love him, that his family and friends all care about him... but none of that seemed to matter...

As I held him tight, and he was calming down,and giving him words of encouragement and love, the other friend, under my instructions called 911 to get the ambulace and the paramedics there... once they showed up, he calmed down greatly... i hugged him and led him to the bed... where he laid there... calm... until the paramedics took him in the ambulance to the psych ward to get some tests run... (4 hous there and they still haven't seen him)

He is spending a lot of time texting from the hospital expressing his rage and frustration. several times he has asked me to bring him home... but i cannot... they will not release him, and I want him to truely get better...

The catalyst for this outburst will most likely not dissolve... I am afraid for him... I love him to death and i am sitting here crying my eyes out over the what if...

Twice, when i was younger i attempted suicide for different reasons... I know what it's like to be hurt like he's hurting... both attempts, I am happy to report, were miserable failures...

To make matters worse... one of the people that I called to help... was sadly too drunk to help... and in turn... just more drama was created as she acted like a sick 2 year old... wanting all of the attention...Luckily, my friend who was having the issues, was already out of the house...

As I sit here... eyes blurred with tears and reliving my "what if" thoughts in my head... i can't help but think of just how precious life is... I rejoice in the fact that there was ALMOST a great loss today... an ALMOST that resolved in the negative...

I am still shook up, and terribly upset... I have to be strong for my friends... I love them so much...