...

I am depressed... i felt it coming on for about a week and a half now... it's my low cycle... i can't think clearly, i am easily frustrated, on the verge of tears, little to no sleep...

and I am at a client site in Florida, with another unbelievably straight co-worker, who keeps trying to feed me drinks...

I was OBVIOUSLY un-prepared for today... the whole day was not wasted, but it could just as easily have been...

He asked me today, "So... how do you think things went today?"

I said, "I think we got a lot of good information"

He said, "yeah... i think we salvaged it"

*sigh*

I knew it was a nice way of saying... "you fucked up, be glad i was here to save your ass"

We had dinner at the hotel bar... After him having 6 shots of silver tequila, and 3 beers, he asked me, as I left...

"do me a favor, think about what you're going to ask tomorrow"

So... I have been sitting in front of my computer for about 35 minutes... staring at a blank word document, thinking... I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I have no clue what to ask... I am not getting any magical inspiration...

I am going to fall flat on my face with this project... most likely get fired, then i have to start looking for a new job...


The thing is... I KNOW this is not how I normall am... i KNOW i can do better, I KNOW what i am doing... But these low cycles... which usually last about 3 weeks, are definately NOT good, and the problem is... i just have to ride them out...

i feel like crying...