Feeling Lonely

So, I have been home for 9 days. Nice long weekend, and worked from home this past week!

This whole time home, i saw 1 friend for 15 minutes. He happened to be in town so he stopped by, but he did not stay long.

I chatted with friends online, on myspace, and on the phone, which i am grateful for, but despite many "Planned" visits from people, no-one showed up. One of my really close friends is not taking my calls, another calls me only when he needs something or needs to talk with someone, (i.e. not just to say hi) and another is just so busy, there is no time.

So... i thought, ya know, since i don't go anywhere, i could be part of the problem as well, ofcourse i could be right?

Well... Since i don't talk to any of my friends with any type of regularity, and since I am never really invited to visit their place, i can't find any type of good time to go. Whenever i talk to my friends, they are always working, never have off with any type of frequency, and are virtually never home. So, i could drive out there to any of them (the ones i have addresses for) only to find, no-one there. Most, but not all live over a half hour away from me, and the other ones have to be there for me to knock on the door, as they live in gated communities.

So I am ultimately thinking... this is really fucked up. I always find time for my friends... i do... If they call, I will answer, and help them however I can. If they come over, I always welcome them, and I think i play a decent host. But ultimately, most of my friends, it seems, have little time for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that everyone is busy... I know it's tough to find time to come visit. But, most don't even call me for 3 minutes out of their week (as i said, to say hi) or even take the time to text me to say, hey... what's goin on? There are exceptions to this, but VERY few

It got to the point that i was considering putting an ad on craig's list for some new friends. I would like to find people who wouldn't mind hanging out during the weekends. I do get so little time at home since I travel so much, i do like to spend time at home, but as i said... I have been feeling exceedingly lonely lately, and feeling that most of my friends, who i try and invest time in cultivating the friendship, just really couldn't be bothered.

*sigh* it's possible i am overstating this issue, but it's how i feel. *shrug* am I wrong? I'd rather not put an ad out for friends, because i would really feel like a loser, but i don't have time to go make new friends the old fashioned way, plus, i am really shy that way.

Either way, i find the current situation in my life unacceptable and seek to change it. So, to anyone who reads this, if you notice a change in me in the next coming weeks, please realize, i am trying to change my life. oh... and i have no plans to drop my current friends, but, i might not try to reach out to them as often as in the past, instead relying on people trying to say hi to me once in a while.

P.S. oh... and if anyone has any reason that they think this is happening, please let me know, if they think i am wrong, please tell me! But... please be prepared to offer proof of their claim, no... you don't have to send me work schedules... but why most people can't take 3 minutes out of their week to say hi on the phone.