Been a while...

I haven't posted in quite some time... there has been nothing particularily interesting going on in my life to post about. *shrug*

I was in Philly until this last friday, and well... i am happy to now be back in atlanta. it's not that i don't love my family... it's just that i missed my home. Friday night, sleeping in my bed was kinda like sleeping in a hotel... it seemed soooo unfamilliar!

Saturday, I went to Mel's house for her 4th of july crab boil. it was so nice to see everyone. I made baked ziti, rice pudding, and regular / lemon whipped cream. all was a big hit!

This week i am workin from home... and VERY happy about it! it will give me a chance to get ready for my annual pride brunch. I am looking forward to it. The tentative menu is:

Sausage Egg and Cheese Bake (big hit from last year)
Cheese Blintzes with Cherry and Blueberry Topping (new item)
Baked Ham
Home Made Granola
Home Made Whipped Cream (van and lemon)
muffins
danish
bread for toast
fruit salad

Drinks:
Orange Juice
Grape Juice
Momosas
Bloody Marys
(skipping the coffee because no one drank any last year)

it should be nice

=============

what else is goin on...

oh yeah

my friend elliot asked me if i want to go on a gay cruise in Feb. It's a week long to the eastern carribean. it sounds interesting... but it's a whole week... and I get only 2 weeks of vacation a year... and to take 5 days of them and not spend any of them with my family will kinda make me feel guilty. not that i HAVE to spend every vacation with them... but i don't really get a chance to see them that much... so i feel bad...

plus... who knows if jamie is getting married next year... their son should be born in dec/jan... and if he is getting married next year... i have to ensure i set aside the appropriate vacation time.

*sigh*

oh well...

*sigh*

Despite all of the other things happening at the moment... my subconscious has decided to present me with a dream about work...

A meeting was called, and the people from Watson, were here in PA. The meeting was outside to tell me that my documents were insufficient.

So... i kept asking... well what's really wrong with them?

They kept offering their opinions, but could not tell me what was wrong...

Well... are they missing something

Once again... they said that the documents were not enough, but could not tell me what was wrong... what they were missing, or anything...

I looked at the project manager... Are you going to do anything about this? He said "yeah" and got up and just left the meeting...

...

this sucks

on a different note... today is my little brother's wedding day! It's bound to be full of events... and it's supposed to be hot and humid... perfect weather for full blown tuxedos!

o/~ This is the project that doesn't end o/~

Okay... everybody...

This is the Project that DOES-N'T END...
It just keeps go-in on my friend
Some people, Staarted workin it not knowing what it was
and now we will be work-in it forever just because
This is the Project that doesn't eeend...

So... i got an email today.. on my vacation... lord knows why i decided to check my email... but i did...

=================================
Jeff,

Hope you're enjoying the family/wedding festivities.

There is no reason to call me, but please plan on reaching out to me on Monday. I will need to your help next week to work on the document.

Regards,

Project Manager

================================

The name has been omitted to protect the annoying...

So... I am on vacation... from Wednesday of this week, through tuesday of next week. I scheduled it in January, when i started this job.

I worked Wednesday and Thursday... FULL DAYS!!!! Today i have so many wedding things to do around the house and some running around, that well, I can't participate in work today...

Things that are in Jeopardy for next week.

Spending the day with my cousin
Visiting a friend of mine
Going to the Shore
Overall Happiness...

Now... i am complaining... because if they can take away this vacation, they can take away all vacations, but i have reclaimed 2 of my 5 vacation days back, and will probably be reclaiming the other 2 next week.

My mom, who is less than thrilled, was like, so what happens if you were really out of pocket, like on a cruise or something...

To that I replied... i have no clue... probably demand that i stop any and all revelry and get off at the nearest port (probably at my own expense) find a network, and just start working.

I am new and i don't want to push the boundries...Even though... i really want to say... "um no... it's their own fucking fault for taking 5 days to turn around a document review, keep changing the ideas of what they want, pushing project scope, and overall... being bad people!"

and I am on vacation damnit... I have already worked weekends, whole nights, from home, from work, from the hotel room... and now... on vacation!... (chants the mantra in my head) they are paying me a lot... they are paying me a lot!)

but is it enough?

I guess so... but it is HIGHLY frustrating.

D List a dream...

So... I am at an outdoor banquet. It seems to be a highschool reunion, but there are all kinds of people from my life there. I was going through the banquet line and there were like 50 kinds of pasta, and i don't know what compelled me... but I had to get a little of each kind.

I was talking to people in the line, and i don't know how the conversation came up, but i mentioned that I was on the "D List". I was thinking i was talking about being like a D list celebrity, but the rumor quickly spread that I was on the D List as in Death List, that I was going to kill myself. I quickly dispelled the rumor as i was heading back to my picnic bench, and mentioned to Kathy Griffin (who actually has a pretty funny show "my life on the D list" about how they mis-interpreted. She agreed.

We then went to the lake that was close to the picnic, and there was an award given to a bunch of dead celebrity sons. People, who against all odds, survived to NOT follow in their father's footsteps and did not OD or suicide. This is when things get wierd. standing up on a hill (from where the sons were standing) there were a bunch of professional golfers. After they were all congratulated, the golfers hit golfballs directly at their heads, killing them instantly. Some were missed, but a second round of golfballs quickly fixed that.

I was honestly shocked and appauled. I started to walk home, when i noticed a tattoo on my arm. It looked like a TV, surrounded by a bunch of roses with a HUGE Capitol A in it. I was confused how it got there... but i was immediately convinced it was a bad omen. And as I was right. I walked on the porch (of the PA residence, and looked in the window and saw the A on the TV... I was like... i better look in.

So I went in the house and in the foyer, there was a HUGE TV with this A on it and roses around it. Once I was there and touched the TV, a horned demon with an obvious depiction of christian hell came on the TV and started spouting out directions on stealing a dragon egg from the Philadelphia Art Museum and that stealing it will hasten the evil in the world.

I immediatly walked into the kitchen after the message turned back into the Capitol A and told both my grandmother and Cindi Lauper (yeah... i know right) that were in the kitchen. I then walked downstairs from my kitchen, (in reality, there is no stairs off my kitchen) and i was in this museum like place...

It was super tall, white, with a lot of blue artifacts in it. a HUGE TV on the wall started up again as a replay... This time the demon that showed up was less ominous (face not plastered to the TV) and the message started replaying again. Mentioning he was a citizen of Atlantis, and was accidentally responsible for the sinking of the city, but was able to escape. He wanted to make it right. Then the message i saw before repeated itself. I was then told i was one of his discendants (from atlantis) and that Evil had to be hastened in the world so it could be destroyed. The Dragon Eggs will do that. I was given a series of numbers that were a combination to get the eggs. 1-2-3-4-5-1-3-5-8-7-11-18-2.

The TV turned off, and my alarm woke me up.

The dream was VERY ODD... but VERY vivid. So i thought i would share... i think if modifyed a little, it could make a decent movie... at least for the sci-fi channel or something. *shrug*

goin home

i am leavin california and not coming back for a while... (I think)

YAY!!!

I still have a ton of work to complete. which i will be doing from home... but NOT from here!!!!!!!!!

Can i get a WOOT WOOT?

I did something right...

So... yesterday at work... i spent hours and hours working on the NEXT document that is most likely doomed to go through a TON of reviews and deal with the same BS as my last document. Fun huh? The technical guy... who i... get along with for the most part is probably thinking i am ultimately useless, as he is writing and word-smithing a lot of my document.

Part of the fact is... he was supposed to be helpin out all this time, and i never really called on his help until the end... so in essence... i am just eating up his billed time now. I did apologize for him having to work on it so much, but he said "that's what I'm here for" so I did the thing i wouldn't have done a couple weeks ago... I shut up, said thanks for your time... and left it at that.

So... while i was working on my document... i get a question from the project manager... "I hate to take you away from what you are doing" (which to me sounded like... you should be working on that and concentrating on what you are doing and nothing else, but i need help.

Apparently, the other part of the team, the one doing the patching of the system (which, to be honest, I have had the most experience doing (roughly 8 years...) had a dilemma.

They were patching a system and needed verification that all the files were patched. They needed to get proof from each directory that files have changed. They were attempting to take screenshots of each directory, (100's of directories) consisting of 1000's of files. On each screenshot page they would have to write a description of what's on it, sign and date it. This task, they estimated would take roughly 40 man hours to complete. So they asked me if there was a better way.

Ofcourse there is... take a dos directory listing with sub directories and pipe it to a file. Print that file and attach it to the script, before and after. They looked at me stunned. I essentially took 40 hours worth of work, and reduced it to one command run twice (before and after) for a total of 6 minutes (the time it takes to make the file. Ofcourse... there is printing time which could add upto another 10 minutes (but they do have some pretty fast printers... so maybe less.

They took this idea to the watson technical people to say "is this okay?" to which the answer was, "Brilliant" and so they changed their official scripts and everyone was happy... Even the project manager, who has been liking me less and less, said "good job"

For me, however, all this amounted to nothing, as it does not help me with my document, my deliverable dates, or my overall uselessness at writing "book reports." It did, however, prove to myself, and i think the project manager, that I am indeed, NOT useless, and i essentially saved CSC $1000+ dollars ((20 hours * 2 consultants)*hourly rate = $$$$$$$ and LOTS of weekend work)

I was cosmically rewarded for my genius (which, was not new genius, i came up with this technique while at UCB) by getting an email from Delta. I have been confirmed to get an upgrade to first class for my flight home tomorrow! =) that equals, free movies and games, a cold sandwich with a brownie, free alcohol (which i don't really partake in) and a bigger more comfortable seat!

now... if they only gave me a business writer to help tune my document... i would be all set.

The only thing that was missing... was me with no pants on!

interesting subject line huh? that's how i described my meeting today with a couple different people... It was like a bad dream... but i had my pants on.

I am in a meeting with 2 people from my team (the project manager, and the technical guy on the phone) and 2 people from the client.

The whole meeting i was forced to talk about my document and answer questions... some of which were relavent, and others that were a bit off topic.

The whole meeting, my project manager, the guy on my team who i was hoping would back me up and help step in and set expectations, pretty much looked at me the whole time as if to say... why are you fucking up so bad?

The technical guy on the phone, who normally backs his team up... apparently had the phone on mute, and was not paying all that much attention to the conversation because, when the client talked about wanting something that we as a techincal team defined as out of scope, he mentioned nothing...

The client is concerned that my work is sub-standard... my team is hanging me out to dry for the most part... and i feel like this simple little project, with its nebulous deliverables... is going to be my un-doing...

I am dissappointed with my team... and busting my ass over a document that will probably have to be re-written like 500 times because people aren't doing their job in reviewing and giving comments when i send it out...

I am glad this nightmare is almost over though. ready to move on to something else... VERY READY to move on to something else!!!!!

inadequate

Taken from Dictionary.com:

adjective
1. lacking the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task; "inadequate training"; "the staff was inadequate"; "she was unequal to the task" [ant: adequate]
2. not sufficient to meet a need; "an inadequate income"; "a poor salary"; "money is short"; "on short rations"; "food is in short supply"; "short on experience"

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.
Kernerman English Multilingual Dictionary (Beta Version) - Cite This Source - Share This
inadequate [inˈӕdikwət] adjective

not sufficient; not adequate
Example: inadequate supplies; Our equipment is inadequate for this job.

Arabic: غَيْر كافٍ
Chinese (Simplified): 不充足的
Chinese (Traditional): 不充足的
Czech: nepřiměřený; nedostatečný
Danish: utilstrækkelig
Dutch: ontoereikend
Estonian: ebapiisav
Finnish: riittämätön
French: insuffisant
German: unzulänglich
Greek: ανεπαρκής
Hungarian: elégtelen
Icelandic: ófullnægjandi
Indonesian: tidak memadai
Italian: inadeguato
Japanese: 不適当な
Korean: 불충분한, 부적당한
Latvian: nepiemērots; neatbilstošs
Lithuanian: nepakankamas
Norwegian: utilstrekkelig, mangelfull
Polish: niewystarczjący, nieodpowiedni
Portuguese (Brazil): inadequado
Portuguese (Portugal): inadequado
Romanian: inadecvat, necores­punzător
Russian: недостаточный
Slovak: neprimeraný; nedostatočný
Slovenian: neustrezen
Spanish: insuficiente; inadecuado, inapropiado
Swedish: otillräcklig, bristfällig
Turkish: yetersiz



Kernerman English Multilingual Dictionary (Beta Version), © 2000-2006 K Dictionaries Ltd.
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Main Entry: 2inadequate
Function: noun
: one who is inadequate especially in terms of social adjustment

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Main Entry: 1in·ad·e·quate
Pronunciation: -i-kw&t
Function: adjective
: not adequate; specifically : lacking the capacity for psychological maturity or adequate social adjustment —in·ad·e·quate·ly adverb

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Inadequate

In*ad"e*qua*cy\, n. [From Inadequate.] The quality or state of being inadequate or insufficient; defectiveness; insufficiency; inadequateness.

The inadequacy and consequent inefficacy of the alleged causes. --Dr. T. Dwight. Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Inadequate

In*ad"e*quate\, a. [Pref. in- not + adequate: cf. F. inad['e]quat.] Not adequate; unequal to the purpose; insufficient; deficient; as, inadequate resources, power, conceptions, representations, etc. --Dryden. -- In*ad"e*quate*ly, adv. -- In*ad"e*quate*ness, n. Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.
Acronym Finder - Cite This Source - Share This
INADEQUATE

INADEQUATE: in Acronym Finder


Acronym Finder, © 1988-2007 Mountain Data Systems




THIS... my friends... is how i am feeling about work right now... that i am inadequate.

Oblivious

Well... there are a couple small topics to go through... but... i think the overall theme will speak to itself...

New Friends
-------------------------------
As you know... if you have been reading, I have put an ad out for new friends in Craig's List... and got some replies. Which I thought was nice... everyone was up to hanging out with me and chatted throughout the week... then came the weekend... nothing... no responses from anyone... at all... WTF!?!?!?!! I put my ad out askin people to hang out over the weekend... all of a sudden... no-one is around during the weekend? Not even workout guy... These guys are worse than my friends i have been complaining about!!!!! (only one of them actually said that this past weekend they had to do something else... just so you know... there is an exception to the rule... but still)

Abducted!
------------------------------
So... my plan was to get everything done on saturday... Laundry, work on my report some, and get packed... so sunday i could relax. So I get up and get an email from one of my friends who live in the building... he has also been traveling a lot and wants to do lunch at one.

I called him that i was going to be a little late but I was still interested. I also mentioned that I wanted to stay local, because, well... i had a lot of stuff i wanted to get done. He mentioned they were going to Sweet Tomato up by Perimeter Mall... (about 25 min away) it's a little further out than i wanted to go... but okay... I have been complaining about my friends not reaching out... how would i feel if when they DID... i didn't answer... plus... i had been missing them (even though my instinct was to say no)

so... at around 1:20 we left... and i figured... probably be back by 3ish... no problem. We all piled into one SUV (i kinda knew that could be a mistake) and went there... Sweet tomato was okay... nothing special... and it's getting towards 2:30. The driver said he wants to come back and hang in midtown, but he has to let his dog out of her cage. He lives in Alpharetta... (30 minutes the opposite direction) I am like... WHAT? but i am just a passenger. so i go along with it...

another 30 min out of the way to go let the dog out... we get to his place... hang out for like 10 min then leave... and i am thinking... finally... going home!

but no! One of the other friends in the car says he needs to go to his office for 10 minutes and can we drop him off... So i was like... his office is close... drop us off... but no... instead... we drop him off... and go on a driving tour of GaTech campus lookin for boys. I was in the back seat of the SUV... so i couldn't really just hop out.

10 Minutes turned to another 30... and now it's close to 5... we pick up my friend from his office... and start to drive home... but the driver starts to turn in the direction away from my building talking about getting drinks... I finally shouted out "HOME NOW PLEASE!" and it kinda startled him into turning the correct direction.

So finally... I am home... i put a load of laundry in... then get a call to come down to the pool... I figured... by this point... my day is shot... why not... so i went swimming till 9. Which is when they wanted to go to dinner...

I respectfully declined.

Airplane
------------------------------
It was one of the worst plane rides i have had in a while... coming back to california... I was stuck in a window seat... which i hate because i hate feeling trapped. To make matters worse... the vent was not working... which meant no air circulation... I also hate sitting away from the aisle because i hate getting up to have to pee and moving 2 people with their laptops and such... (i had to pee for the last 2 hours of the flight)

to make matters worse... the skinny bitch in front must have had baked beans for breakfast... because she wouldn't stop farting... I was thinking of mentioning the fact that she was the only one in 2 rows that had her seat back down... but... that would only add insult to injury... (ouch)


Project Manager
-----------------------------
So... i get to work yesterday and everyone on my team is out to lunch... i know where they are, so i go meet them there... The first thing out of my project manager's mouth... "I think you should just concentrate this week on getting your document done... you have a lot of work to do!"

WHAT? I thought the document was done... I answered all of the comments i got back and addressed them...

Well... apparently, he decided to look at the document this past weekend (he had it for 2 weeks) and made a TON of comments on it... I am thinkin... what a fuckin' jerk... so now... i have to re-structure and re-write the majority of the document...

I thought i was hired for techincal skills... these last 2 projects they put me on were essentially book reports. *sigh*


Oblivious
-----------------------------
So... when I go to, oh... let's say a resteraunt for dinner... i go there, eat, and leave. Such was the case last night when i went to Wahoo's (probably for the last time) and got my food, ate, and then left. It's not that i wasn't looking around or anyting... I just was... well... oblivious. But I did notice... as i walked out... a kinda cute guy was staring at me.... when i looked to meet him... he winked. But I was already out the door...

So... could it be that people do flirt with me and I am just THAT oblivous? (apparently... yes) (not to self... get a guide to flirting or something)

YAY!!!!!!!

I am goin home today! and next week is my last week out here...!!!

Ofcourse... it's not sooo much that i dislike the people i am working with... or southern california (i mean... it's like beautiful every day and a constant breeze!!!)

It's the mon-friday crap that sucks... The Projects are supposed to be mon-thu... that way, you get friday to do anything personal that has to be done. Like dentist, doctor visits, or other concerns... The project manager, being his first project, is over compensating, which leaves us all shit out of luck...

Then there is the Pit of Dispair. No windows, and no air circulation. All this time and they STILL have not fixed the ventallation in the room. aka... they don't care. Stark flourescent lights, hot dry unbreathable atmosphere, and the bitterness of my weekends being cut short by overcompensation... yeah... this is NOT my dream project.

Looking on the bright side though... I got A LOT of frequent flier miles out of it. I would REALLY like to get platinum for next year. I need 75000 miles and right now i have like 31,000... I need another west coast project to put me over the edge probably.

In any case... I am just happy that this project is winding down. Now i can start my worrying about getting put on another project all over again. I am kinda hoping they will wait until after july 4th weekend. That way, I can at least enjoy pride weekend in peace, then get revved up for another project...

I hear my last project is making progress... that's a good thing. Hopefully they will want me back, and while summers in Phoenix does not sound appealing. I will have airconditioning, familliar surroundings and people, and project longevity (it will probably last until march of next year. As an added bonus... i will most definately hit my Platinum Status!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!! (I hope)

Odd dreams... and anticipation

I have been having a lot of odd dreams lately... everything from assassinating the premier of China, to being in a hijacked plane, which turned into a horrible plane crash (where, despite being chopped up into like 3 pieces, i can still walk around and see the carnage... and it wasn't really a nightmare) to climbing mountains (really unlike me) that have turned into clouds, to finding a new way to breathe under water, and then discovering that mermen really do exist.

As far as the dreams go... i have NO IDEA where they are coming from. It's kinda scary that my mind wanders so much. It's also scary that, well... scary things, like plane crashes didn't bother me... but, i mean, even though people were ... in pieces... no-one was dead... just movin around and moaning a lot. So... the whole thing was fantastical. But it makes me think... maybe i am more messed up in the head than i thought.

On a different note... my project is winding down and i am thinking EXCELLENT!!! I am SOOOO ready for this project to be over. I have been finally getting some help from a co-worker on my document, and project plan that's due. Which means, my part of the project could technically be completed this week!!! Which means, next week will be just me helpig someone else, and then I will be golden. The sooner i get out of the pit of dispair (we call the un-airconditioned, no circulation room we work in the pit) the better.

On a different note still... i am looking forward to my little brother's wedding in a couple weeks. It will be nice to see him tie the knot. He seems really happy, and that's what matters. It will be good to see the whole family again too =)

Craig's List

So... i did it... i put an out on craig's list looking for new friends... and i got a couple responses so far...

Here was the ad

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hey!

I have recently taken a job that causes me to travel a lot during the week, and lately, my friends have been all too busy on the weekends to make any time or plans to hang out.

I am looking for someone to hang out with and chill on the weekends. Just friends... I am gay, but not a heterophobe, I like to cook/bake, play video games, watch DVDs (I have a collection of over 600) walk in the park and people watch, etc... I need to do some body sculpting as well, so if you would like to come and work out with me, that would be awesome too.

Since I travel during the week, this would only happen on weekend days, (for the moment). All my friends say i am a really nice guy, and so i am just lookin for some friends.

Pics are not required with responses, but if one is sent, I will respond with mine.

Thanks for reading!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So far, i got the following:

1. former personal trainer who is looking for someone to work out with (not really anything else, just work out)

2. A 51 Year old, married guy, who likes to cook and watch movies as well... which isn't a problem, but... he stressed the fact that he and his wife are in an open relationship... which makes me think he wants an affair... which is not what i am looking for.

3. There is a guy up by perimeter mall, i believe he's 28 and just looking for friends... just moved here from chicago a couple months ago

4. A 24 year old who lives south of the city, lookin to hang out who moved here a couple months ago...

5. and 4 people who just wanted to see my picture

who knows what will come of all of this... right now, i have plans to work out with the former personal trainer on saturday morning... everything else is up in the air at the moment... we will see what happens... i expect maybe 2 or 3 more responses, but we will see...

Feeling Lonely

So, I have been home for 9 days. Nice long weekend, and worked from home this past week!

This whole time home, i saw 1 friend for 15 minutes. He happened to be in town so he stopped by, but he did not stay long.

I chatted with friends online, on myspace, and on the phone, which i am grateful for, but despite many "Planned" visits from people, no-one showed up. One of my really close friends is not taking my calls, another calls me only when he needs something or needs to talk with someone, (i.e. not just to say hi) and another is just so busy, there is no time.

So... i thought, ya know, since i don't go anywhere, i could be part of the problem as well, ofcourse i could be right?

Well... Since i don't talk to any of my friends with any type of regularity, and since I am never really invited to visit their place, i can't find any type of good time to go. Whenever i talk to my friends, they are always working, never have off with any type of frequency, and are virtually never home. So, i could drive out there to any of them (the ones i have addresses for) only to find, no-one there. Most, but not all live over a half hour away from me, and the other ones have to be there for me to knock on the door, as they live in gated communities.

So I am ultimately thinking... this is really fucked up. I always find time for my friends... i do... If they call, I will answer, and help them however I can. If they come over, I always welcome them, and I think i play a decent host. But ultimately, most of my friends, it seems, have little time for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that everyone is busy... I know it's tough to find time to come visit. But, most don't even call me for 3 minutes out of their week (as i said, to say hi) or even take the time to text me to say, hey... what's goin on? There are exceptions to this, but VERY few

It got to the point that i was considering putting an ad on craig's list for some new friends. I would like to find people who wouldn't mind hanging out during the weekends. I do get so little time at home since I travel so much, i do like to spend time at home, but as i said... I have been feeling exceedingly lonely lately, and feeling that most of my friends, who i try and invest time in cultivating the friendship, just really couldn't be bothered.

*sigh* it's possible i am overstating this issue, but it's how i feel. *shrug* am I wrong? I'd rather not put an ad out for friends, because i would really feel like a loser, but i don't have time to go make new friends the old fashioned way, plus, i am really shy that way.

Either way, i find the current situation in my life unacceptable and seek to change it. So, to anyone who reads this, if you notice a change in me in the next coming weeks, please realize, i am trying to change my life. oh... and i have no plans to drop my current friends, but, i might not try to reach out to them as often as in the past, instead relying on people trying to say hi to me once in a while.

P.S. oh... and if anyone has any reason that they think this is happening, please let me know, if they think i am wrong, please tell me! But... please be prepared to offer proof of their claim, no... you don't have to send me work schedules... but why most people can't take 3 minutes out of their week to say hi on the phone.